What extent should SEX be considered in choosing life partner.

[Osezua Stephens]

Swagga,thanks for the care and concern you showed towards my friend marital impasse.The experience you brought to bear in these love/sex dichotomy is of great benefit not only to my friend and me but to all who showed interest by following this salient discuss up.

In your first response to that article,your very first sentence I quote says"Basically, it depends on how important sex is to your friend".

This now takes us to this all important topic -"What extent should sex be considered in choosing life partner"

[Alvin Adewunmi]

It's not sex which is important in choosing life parter but what is important, what you're able to provide your partner to be wife after marriage.

Say you are a man, you must be able to provide everything from love, money to sex in a well balanced marriage.

Say you're a successful man, in high position but fail to provide sex to your wife. How frustrated your wife must have been bcoz of the lack of love from her man.

You're a rich man but you fail to provide sex to your wife.

You're highly educated but fail to provide sex to your wife.

You're a strong man but fail to provide sex to your wife.

You're a handsome man but fail to show enough love to your wife.

So what if you're all the above.

It's a marital obligation in bed as what Swagga pointed out. Becoz of the lack of this lead to adultery and cheating on your wife.

[swagga]

Unfortunately my contribution for here will be very limited for obvious reasons. Of course sex is important because thats one of the reason people get married is it not? Everyone have their own idea of their ideal sexual partner. I for one has not given it much thought, i'll probably do closer to the time when I want to get married.

[swagga]

Osezua, i was meaning to ask, abeg who b dat fine pikin and mother for the attachment on this discussion?

Also i want to share something interesting which my friend said. She agrees that yes, sex is a factor to be considered however it is only but a small one. She argues that if great sex is essential for a successful marriage, how comes the marriages of prostitutes and sex therapist fail?.

She explains that sex, because of the intimacy can promote good attachment between couples however other factors also have to be in par for the relationship to work. For example the couple also have to be able get on, have a laugh together, share other interest apart from sex, money, values etc. You don't want to love some one who, excuse my language 'shags the shit out of you' but at the same time is also making your life hell? This sort of relationship is unhealthy and is a classical form of ambivalent attachment. What if good sex was the only basis for the marriage and after a few years the wife due to health or other reasons is no longer able to have sex. What will your friend do then? Head off immediately to the nearest divorce court?

My friend also explained that peoples taste and desires can also change over time . Your friend may like good sex now, what if he say in a few years time he is no longer interested in sex or for some reason or the other he is no longer able to rise to the occasion and changes from being a 'rampant rabbit' to a 'shrinking violet.' what will he then do with his 'eager Rosaline'? How old is your friend? is he over 40? Research has found that men above the age of 40 have a high tendency to suffer with erectional problems e.g erectile dsyfunction. Viagra can help but how many tablets can a man take? You two need to be open and honest and explore these issues very carefully.

In conclusion, my friend reflects that a solid marriage is one which is built on several factors, where one factor fails or is troubled the other factors will compensate and hold the relationship together while the problem is being resolved.

[Ashipa James Olashupo]

Marriage without sex is like placing blocks upon blocks without using cement to hold them together. It is an essential ingredient in this union but we should not become like lower animals and lecherous and lewd about sex.